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Golden Mean edit question - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
Golden Mean edit question
I'm looking both at the sequence of events in the story as is, and the sequence of the whole series.

In the story as it originally was, Haymitch warns Hazelle of the possible outcome of the Quell and gives her a vague "be ready" warning. On the one hand, that goes with what's going on in his life at present.

On the other, though, I've been thinking that I spent a lot of time building up Haymitch's friendship with Danny Mellark. The warning does no good anyway (what's anyone going to do to prepare for a fifteen minute window of a blackout before a complete firebombing at what would be, in D12, about 2:15 a.m.?), but I was thinking... maybe that warning scene should be with Danny. Just one last chance to have an interaction between them. He'll have more time with Hazelle, and that relationship doesn't exactly turn out to be central.

On the third hand, the story's been up at archives for two years as is. Making a semi-structural change like that is kind of... cheating.

I dunno. What think ye?
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Comments
From: queen_bellatrix Date: March 30th, 2015 05:00 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm heavily in favor of Danny, for a couple of reasons.
1. Aside from what you mentioned about them getting one last interaction, there's this thematic theme in the end of GM of rocks fall and the rebellion goes to hell. It would heighten that to have Haymitch give Danny that warning, especially with all the care he would have to take, and then...it's just this fluke of quick thinking by Gail that saves anyone from D12. It also...distances Gail from Haymitch in a certain way. Throughout the entire fic, he's been talking about just the sort of firebrand Gail becomes taking control of the rebellion. There was a certain irony to Haymitch giving Gail the information that made his reputation, even if it was through Hazelle. But there's also something to be said for how Haymitch wants so much to control the rebellion--it's that old tendency Chaff chastised him for so long ago in Rites--and takes all these steps. And yet, Gail is this complete wildcard in things by the beginning of NP, and it's slipped out of his control quite without him noticing. Which's made more ironic by the fact that Gail's initial rescue is the sort of quick thinking Haymitch himself would have engaged in and would admire tremendously. And then to have that turned to firebombs.

2. The second shower scene between Haymitch and Hazelle that leads to her dismissal. Because of when it happened, it was very much him taking advantage of opportunity. And that fit perfectly when he was sixteen and in D6. But we're dealing with two adults without the age gap and Haymitch is very self-aware, as we see so clearly in this chapter when he refrains from starting something, as he's done for so long with Effie. Unless he's subconsciously using rebellion stuff as an excuse (again, I'm thinking of some of your comments about how if he'd been a couple years older in D6, the whole setup would have been a lot more up front and on the table) or drunk, he doesn't seem to go into sex without thinking it through. And tangential to all that, there's a comment by Snow in the Capitol about knowing exactly why Hazelle was removed from his employ. I can't help but think Hazelle's removal after the shower had some definite exec approval (you are such a bastard, Coriolanus). With Effie, as long as Haymitch was restraining himself, she wasn't a pretty thing to take away. Even with Mimi, it was only after Snow realized how serious it was through the phone dates that he acted, though his comment about them having to see what happened next seems to say that he had it in mind all along. But, there seems to be this dynamic where Haymitch takes a deliberate action to make his life better and then Snow reasserts control, but leaves well enough alone otherwise. So, without the warning, that shower scene would have to be deliberate and would of course lead into everything else.

And that was long, and very subjective. However you have him warn someone, you'll want to be careful of the newspaper thing. In chapter 1 or 2, you have Haymitch openly reference reading the newspapers to the press, but in the warning chapter, you have Madge smuggling in papers and Haymitch fuming about how he had been careless about talking about them and was now getting a warning about sedition from Snow; seems like the warning would make more sense going with the idea that they were legal, though maybe it was discouraged for victors to talk about them with District people, as another way to set them apart, if you needed something about them to not be on the up and up.

Btw, will type up my squee over the last GM chapter edits tomorrow, but for what it's worth, didn't catch any continuity/SPAG stuff.:) Though damn you, Thread; Haymitch and Hazelle talked about food distribution right in the kitchen where there had to be bugs, and you let them and everyone get their hopes up for a week and then shut it down. *fumes*
sonetka From: sonetka Date: March 30th, 2015 05:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Um, yes, all of this (except I wouldn't have thought it out nearly as thoroughly!) Mostly I was thinking that in terms of their past relationship, warning Danny made sense, and as Bellatrix said, Gale is the sort who could very easily be seen as figuring out which way the wind was blowing independent of anything Haymitch said.
(Deleted comment)
From: (Anonymous) Date: March 30th, 2015 11:21 am (UTC) (Link)

Why not both?

I don't think there's anything wrong with having him give an actual warning to Danny, while still mentioning something (perhaps even more vague than before) to Hazelle. Even just a casual aside comment about the coal shortages and a knowing look rather than a direct statement might be the trigger to pass on to Gale without leading him directly.

-Maraudercat
akilika From: akilika Date: March 30th, 2015 12:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think it's cheating at all. You've been clear that this is being edited--this is exactly the sort of "bringing it in line with the rest of the series" sort of edit you've been talking about.



When the Demonology 101 girl re-did her first episode, she cut out entire scenes, replaced them with entirely different ones... all to suggest the story she made in later episodes, while she didn't really know what she was doing yet with the first.

She changed it all significantly enough that I wish I could have seen all the originals (she was halfway done by the time found the comic), but it was all for the better story and I don't think anyone thought it was cheating.
From: (Anonymous) Date: March 30th, 2015 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't think it'd be cheating and I may not be looking at what you're looking at, but I don't really see how it will have much of a structural effect later on. It might be a nice way to give the Danny/Haymitch arc some sort of closure? Not that The Hunger Games really deals in closure :P

On the other hand, you've made it pretty clear that at this point Haymitch's relationship with Peeta is more important to him that his relationship with Danny (Peeta's dad vs. Danny's son, etc). You might be able to draw some sort of...poignant moment of regret later when Haymitch realizes that he'd, I don't know, done some sort of awful, unforgivable thing by choosing Hazelle over Danny (the Seam over the town?).

Are you worried that this shift will have unforeseen consequences down the line?

--Elizabeth
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 1st, 2015 12:16 am (UTC) (Link)
There's something happening here with Digger, too, with Danny washing the char off of Haymitch and then being reduced to char himself...
Whether or not he succeeds in warning Hazelle, he has failed to save Danny, as he has been unable to save so many others...
If he doesn't warn the Mellarks, is it because he is trying to keep everything from Peeta?
~ Karen
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