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To Huck with it - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
To Huck with it
Hermione loves HuckFinn

What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG


I did this obsessively for nearly five minutes. But I had to stop at Huck and Hermione. I like it, in the weirdest possible way. I am going to spend tomorrow both cleaning my room and working on my NaNo novel (I wrote longhand until my fingers cramped at lunch, so I don't feel guilty; I just haven't typed it in and counted up), but for now, what the Huck? I've never done Twain fanfic, and I think my time in Hermione's head has been severely limited, if I ever wrote her at all.

Start 12:52 am




I reckon I might have told me a stretcher or two in my time, and if you read about my adventure with Jim, why, I bet you heard one or two of them. Maybe the biggest was how I lit out for the territories afterward, seeing as how the Widow Douglas was trying to civilize me. Truth is, I came back a week later. Having a roof over your head and a good meal in your stomach is mighty fine thing to give up, just on account of scratchy clothes. If you really read a lot, you might know that me and Tom Sawyer traveled around the world together with Jim, and that Tom solved a mystery or two later on. And if you know that, you know you've got to be a plain fool to believe what I tell you.

Maybe not such fool as you'd be to believe what Tom Sawyer has to say, though. He's did light out for the territories just as soon as he finished up with school, and he took Becky with him, and now he writes for newspapers. I just about bust a gut every time Cousin Mary shows me one of the crazy tales he sends back.

All of which is to say that no one could blame you if you didn't believe me when I told you a crazy story. I ain't got the world's best record.

But this one actually happened.

It were about a month after Tom and Becky got themselves hitched and headed west, and I was out on Jackson's Island, catching a pile of fish to sell in town to the folks who were too lazy to catch their own damned fish, even when they're practically jumping out of the water. I'd got to thinking, looking at Becky in her pretty dress, that maybe I'd like a wife of my own someday, and they seemed to like it if you did something for a living, even you did have old treasure stuck in a bank somewhere.

So I'd fixed myself up as a fisherman, but I still hadn't found any girl who wanted to marry me. I might've gone on downriver to see about Joanna Wilks, Mary Jane's sister, but I weren't quite ready to commit to that yet. I was turning it over in my head, though--and mostly thinking about Mary Jane and her pretty red hair--when I heard something pop up in the air, and, bam, come crashing down through the tops of the trees, and then I heard, clear as a bell, a girl's voice saying, "Oh, bother! Subsisto!"

And I looked up, and there was a girl there, floating maybe ten feet over the ground, looking mad as a plucked hen and pointing a stick at the ground. "Fred!" she yelled to the air. "George!" Then she looked down put her hand to her mouth like I was the one doing something surprising, and dropped to the ground. She had a mess of curly hair, and the straightest, cleanest teeth I ever saw in my life.

I couldn't think of anything to say to her, so I asked if she was all right from her fall, and she allowed as she was, and asked what I'd seen. She had a funny way of talking--fast and choppy, with points on the ends of the words that made her sound as prickly as a pincushion. I told her I'd seen her show up in thin air, hang there a minute, and then fall.

"And what do you presume is the cause of this?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Reckon you're a witch," I said.

"Oh." She looked like she didn't know what to do with that, and then she just frowned. "Well, as long as you already know, do you know where I can find a local floo point? I have to get back to Diagon Alley and not approve the twins' Flooless Floo for regular travel. Honestly! Are we even anywhere near Washington, D.C.?"

"No, Ma'am. This here's Jackson's Island, Missouri."

"Of course." She shook her head. "Well, perhaps a telephone will do for starters. I can call Tonks--she has a telephone--and she can figure out where I am and--what?"

"Telephone?"

The girl turned as white as paper. "You don't know what a telephone is?" She closed her eyes. "When," she asked, "is this?"

I looked at the sky. "Reckon it's around noon," he said.

"What year is it?"

"Eighteen fifty-nine," I said. "Why?"

"Wonderful," she said. "Just perfect. They discover time travel and strand me here. Well, perhaps the community can help. Who heads up your magical government? In the eighteen-fifties... oh, that was before... oh, I shouldn't say that... my American history is a bit shaky... perhaps it was.."

"Magical government?" I said.

She frowned. "You're not a wizard."

"No, ma'am. I'm a fisherman."

"Oh, dear. I suppose I'll have to do a memory charm anyway..." She bit her lip. "My name is Hermione Granger," she said, and held out her hand, straight out, the way a man would.

I shook it, figuring it was what she expected, though I'd never seen a lady just stick her hand out like that, without looking like she expected it to be kissed or whatnot. "Huck Finn."

"I'm pleased to meet you, and I need your help."

Well, she went on and she told me her case, and I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen her come through the air with my own eyes. Turned out some other magic folks had been inventing something, and she'd gone and gotten caught in it when they tried it out. Now, she needed to find more magical people to help her get back.

I told her I knew an ex-slave as could read her future in a hairball coughed up by a cow, if that was magical enough for her.

"In a what?" she asked. "Did you say a hairball?"

"Ain't you heard of it?"

"Er, no. Perhaps some other strategem."

We talked this way and that way, and finally I told her I could take her downriver a bit, toward some bigger towns, and I borrowed her some decent clothes, and we shoved off. By the time we got to a town where she said there was a "wizarding community" of some sort, she was talking freer, and said she'd have to do a Memry Charm on me anyway, so she told me about England and Scotland and wizarding, or witching as the case was, and she weren't like any other girl I ever met. Ain't it just my luck to meet the best girls and then have them run off to some other century?


Shrug. Any more complex and I'd have to write a whole story. But I wanted to play with them.

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13 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
hermione_like From: hermione_like Date: November 5th, 2004 11:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was really cute. :) You really got Huck's voice there. :)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: November 5th, 2004 11:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can't figure out when it's "were" and when it's "was," but thanks... writing dialect... EEEK!
leelastarsky From: leelastarsky Date: November 6th, 2004 02:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Heheh! I liked that Fred and George were responsible. :~)
sreya From: sreya Date: November 6th, 2004 05:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, cute! I liked the voice, and the nattering on about whether or not Huck can be believed.

Makes me wonder if Hermione had ever read Mark Twain's works and later figures out just who she's rafting down the Mississippi with. :~P
chienar From: chienar Date: November 6th, 2004 05:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Just because I thought this one would make you smile....

Dumbledore writes fic about PrincessLeia

What's Your Ultimate Fandom OTP?
Shiver My Timber--A Pirate RPG
mafdet From: mafdet Date: November 6th, 2004 08:39 am (UTC) (Link)
This was funny, and very well written - you got both Huck's and Hermione's voices down! I'll have to try that fandom OTP.

By the way, I could just see Tom Sawyer/Luna Lovegood...
calliopeia17 From: calliopeia17 Date: November 6th, 2004 10:40 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, wow. I adored that. That was possibly the cutest fic I've ever read, and you had Huck's voice down so perfectly! Oh, I really wish I could see how this turned out- I won't beg you to write more, since you're obviously so busy...but someday...pleasepleaseplease write more of this!
strangemuses From: strangemuses Date: November 6th, 2004 11:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Do you have any idea how much I worship you right about now? Twain is my favorite author! Your Hermione is brilliant.

*swoons over your story*
From: lnevans Date: November 6th, 2004 11:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Fantastic! You really have written both Huck and Hermione quite well. Actually, it rather interests me in going to find my copys of Huck Finn today.
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mccarthyism From: mccarthyism Date: December 15th, 2005 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Considering that I just finished a huge project on Huck Finn, I find this wonderfully refressing.

PS. Write a whole story. It'd be fun!
summoner_lenne9 From: summoner_lenne9 Date: January 20th, 2008 03:24 am (UTC) (Link)
OMG. This, Fern, is pure and utter win.

*Laughs head off for a very long time*
13 comments or Leave a comment