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Weird pairings meme - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
Weird pairings meme
You know, I'm not going to do the ubiquitous squicky pairings meme, because honestly, I can't think of an even vaguely plausible way to pair up Remus and Grawp, and that's all I have to say on the subject.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't do Remus/Grawp because the physiology defeats me (the same is true of Hagrid's parents), but I'll try my second favorite and second least favorite.

I, fernwithy, do solemnly swear that my second favorite HP character is Nymphadora Tonks and my second least favorite character is Draco Malfoy. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Tonks/Draco shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Tonks has morphed into her Aunt Bella to try and get the lowdown on what's going on in Malfoy Manor, and finds out that she didn't really want to know.
Who makes the first move: Draco, temporarily taking Tonks utterly by surprise
Positions and/or kinks: Awkward
Afterglow: Tonks decides that as long as she's dressed up like Bellatrix, she may as well practice her Unforgivables, because, ick. She just can't decide whether to use them on herself or her icky cousin who thought he was putting the moves on his aunt.
Would I actually read or write this? Are there enough ways to say NO!!!!! in the universe?
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Comments
absurdwords From: absurdwords Date: March 14th, 2005 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Someone else who dislikes Draco!

Poor Tonks...
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 14th, 2005 04:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I feel like I need to write her something nice to make up for that particular insult.
harriet_wimsey From: harriet_wimsey Date: March 14th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ew! And thanks for choosing second-favorite. I don't think the world is ready for the mere speculation of Remus/Grawp.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 14th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know I'm not.
mafdet From: mafdet Date: March 14th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm not, either. The, er, "physical differences" would make such a thing impossible. (And no, I don't even want to think about Hagrid's parents.)
violet_quill From: violet_quill Date: March 14th, 2005 03:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eeee! This is the exact same pairing I ended up with; I was just about to post it on my journal. *g*

Scary, isn't it?
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 14th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Apparently, great minds squick alike. :)
From: laizeohbeets Date: March 14th, 2005 04:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
My favorite person/least favorite person is one of the biggest ships ever. :X

And there is no way I am writing Harry/Draco. *snerk* Draco is my leastleastleast favorite character for a reason. ;)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 14th, 2005 04:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
:shudder:

Yeah, I'm right there. I think the deus ex machina for that one would have to be removing both of their brains and replacing them with straw.
imadra_blue From: imadra_blue Date: March 14th, 2005 04:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Still not as scary as Remus Lupin/Colin Creevey. *shudders in horror*

I even found an accurate pic of Lupin's face after the event for reference:



No pics of Tonks to be found for your event, which didn't bother me all that much other than the fact that Draco is clearly a homosexual Draco/Bellatrix is more frightening than Draco/Tonks.
author_by_night From: author_by_night Date: March 14th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
People have pics of Remus transforming? *Thinks this is morbid, but then again, perhaps not so surprising.*
imadra_blue From: imadra_blue Date: March 14th, 2005 05:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I got them Veritaserum and collected them with a bunch of others to convince other to make me Lupin icons just browse through.

Hi, I'm Morbid, but my last name's Quirky. Nice to meet you.
author_by_night From: author_by_night Date: March 14th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! I love this.
olympe_maxime From: olympe_maxime Date: March 14th, 2005 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

heh. Nice meme.

Let's see if I can have a go...

Fav Character: Harry
Least Fav Character: Umbridge

(Yes, I see your eyes rolling already)

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Umbridge Polyjuices herself and tries to get 'in' with Harry to get back at him in accordance with Teh Ebil Plot!
Who makes the first move: UmBridge. Harry thinks she's... er... a happy Cho? Or perhaps Luna... (I doubt Umbridge would want to become a Weasley, so Ginny's out of the question... and I don't want to do these horrid things to even a polyjuice Ginny. )
Positions and/or kinks: It's Harry/Um!bitch, for heaven's sake!
Afterglow: Um... ?????????????
Would I actually read or write this? To quote my favourite fanfic author... Are there enough ways to say NO!!!!! in the universe?
erised1810 From: erised1810 Date: March 14th, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
iCK. I DON'T SE THE FUN INTHOSE MEMES.
YO UMDEM ETHINK ONE THIGN THOUGH. NOW I KNOW WHY THE HP BOOKS ARE BANNED IN SOEM AREAS. BECAUSE OMG-THER WAS REFFERENCE OTINTERSPECIES SEX!!! (HAGRID'S PARENTS)
I'IM NOT GONNA FRIGIGN FILL THIS THING INFOR ME BECAUSE SO FAR M YFAV CHARACTER IS SIRISU ND MY LEAST WOUDL BE...UMBRIDGE OR VOLDEMORT.
YIKES...
sophonax From: sophonax Date: March 15th, 2005 03:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, no! Mine would be Neville/Fudge!

You know, it's funny...I have a few pet ships, but my absolute favorite characters I don't ship at all...
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 15th, 2005 12:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Actually, when it comes to favorite characters, that's a hard choice. I love most of the good guys equally, and a few of the bad guys are too fun to write to dislike (Bella comes to mind). The list of characters I just plain don't like, it's pretty short one: Grawp, Draco, Hagrid. I have an irrational dislike of the total unknown Blaise Zabini, just because... you know... why? But that's not Blaise's fault, and since he doesn't really exist in canon yet, except in name, I don't know whether or not I'd like him, or what it would take to match him up with a liked character. I dislike Snape as a person, but he's interesting to write as a character. I like Harry as much as Lupin, but I wouldn't write Lupin/Harry, which I think would totally devalue the relationship they actually have.
h311ybean From: h311ybean Date: March 15th, 2005 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)

Someone actually tried to write my answer to this meme!
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 15th, 2005 12:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eeep!
rosefyre From: rosefyre Date: March 16th, 2005 01:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Erm, Hagrid's parents...well, she's the giant, right? So if he...er...got on top of her somehow, I guess he could...I don't know...wank off into her or something...

Still icky, though.
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