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Chapter 38 of Shades is up. I decided to make Tonks a little more… - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
Chapter 38 of Shades is up. I decided to make Tonks a little more diligent, so I added a scene where she questions Moaning Myrtle about the Sectumsempra attack.
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kiwi_kimi From: kiwi_kimi Date: March 15th, 2007 06:50 am (UTC) (Link)
I love your writing, Fernwithy, and I hope you won't mind if I point out a little something that dragged me out of the latest chapter: the use of "go" immediately followed by a verb is, I think, an Americanism. Obviously there's nothing wrong with that per se, but in a story where you're so careful to keep the dialogue looking suitably British, it did stand out to me.

The two examples I saw in this chapter:

"go deal with Potter"
"if I go tutor her"

In both cases, an "and" after the "go" would make it look more Potterish.

I do like this chapter! A lot!
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 15th, 2007 03:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah... thanks. It's stuff like that that twists me up, because I wouldn't think twice about it. Unfortunately, stuff that goes up at the Quill is more or less the last time I tweak it (it's arbitrary--I just need to stop somewhere and go, "Okay, move along now..." or I'll end up tweaking things for the next ten years); no one happened to catch that on the draft, which is where I get the beta notes from, and it totally slipped by me!
kiwi_kimi From: kiwi_kimi Date: March 15th, 2007 08:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
When to stop the tweaking: I can certainly relate to that! When I read over passages of my novel, sometimes I think, 'Oh, that might read better if...'. It takes self-discipline to Leave It Alone!

I didn't think you'd change it for the Quill, but I thought it might be useful for future reference.
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