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NaPo 4 - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
NaPo 4
So, I'm still doing this.

Not keeping up with the story I'm supposed to be writing, but doing this.



Apr. 11 -- Iconograph



Apr. 12 -- Elegy

The Last One Out
I.
The last one out
(an expat suggests with a derisive snort)
should turn out the lights.
The world that was has ended,
the world that shall be,
shall not be here.
What was is no more,
what is will soon be gone.
The last one out,
whisper farewell,
then, fleet-footed,
dance away.

II.
The last one out,
remember.
Remember the stern-faced Yankees,
heading into the wilds,
remember the farms cut into the wilderness,
remember the feet of ancestors,
treading heavily on the forest paths.
Remember the sound of water,
rushing over cascades and
pouring, cold and fresh, from the sky.
The last one out,
remember,
then turn your face away.

III.
The last one out,
laugh softly--
it's bad luck to laugh aloud
in a haunted house.
But laugh regardless,
at the foibles of the years,
the silly men and women
who worked the soil and
built the now-emptied towns.
Laugh at cow-tipping,
at tempests in teapots,
at school drama
and the scale-size traumas of life.
Laugh softly,
and know that the ghosts remain
even after
the last one is out.

IV.
The last one out,
reach back--
reach back for cousins,
grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
Reach back for the people
who are all you.
Reach back,
to bring them along,
because they are yours,
and you are theirs,
and there is no escape.
The last one out,
pick up the mementos,
and carry them into the world.


Apr 13-- double dactyl, aka, a higgledy-piggledy.

Higgledy-piggledy
Noah the sailor said
"Beastly effluvium
makes a bad day!"

He sailed away from the
antediluvian
Carefully holding his
nose the whole way.
7 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
snuggle_muggle From: snuggle_muggle Date: April 14th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC) (Link)
I enjoyed all of these. The first one was very nice. You didn't specifically ask for concrit, but I will offer some anyway. The last line, "And I wonder now if anyone tries to steal it," seems slightly off when attached to the first part. I think it would read better (in my opinion) as "And I wonder now if anyone would try to steal it." I think that it fits the verb tense of the piece better. That being said, however, I loved it. I don't know much about this type of poetry, so definitely take the comment with a shakerful of salt.

Really enjoyed the second one -- a bit sad but very touching. Chuckled at the last one, which was just brilliant. These were so wonderful; I hope that you post more of your poetry.
alkari From: alkari Date: April 14th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC) (Link)
The last line, "And I wonder now if anyone tries to steal it," seems slightly off when attached to the first part. I think it would read better (in my opinion) as "And I wonder now if anyone would try to steal it." I think that it fits the verb tense of the piece better. Or: "I wonder now if anyone would try to steal it." Assuming a full stop after 'foes', do you need the 'and' there. And in terms of the first part of your poem, perhaps an interesting slight variation might be: "I wonder now if anyone / someone cares (dares?) to steal it."
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 14th, 2009 05:14 am (UTC) (Link)
I agree with both snuggle muggle and alkari, as I too stumbled with your key. Still, great poems! I loved them all - the silliness of the last one, the ache and hope mingled in the second and the careful wonder of the first. Well done, Fern!
amamama From: amamama Date: April 14th, 2009 05:17 am (UTC) (Link)
How come LJ has started to log me out every night? Hmpfh! THe above is me, in other words. :-)
vytresna From: vytresna Date: April 14th, 2009 01:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
The elegy was marvelous, Fern. Depressing as all git-out, but gorgeous all the same. (I also liked the one about the Ship of Now.)
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 14th, 2009 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

m

loved the elegy- the final stanza could be a little stronger, I think, but the first three are nice and shivery~M
mollywheezy From: mollywheezy Date: August 18th, 2009 04:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Great poems! The iconograph was my favorite--I've always been very partial to those.

"Beastly effluvium"--ROTFL :D
7 comments or Leave a comment