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These Are The Names, Chapter 5 - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
These Are The Names, Chapter 5
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: May 8th, 2014 08:07 pm (UTC) (Link)

Feedback and More Typos

red bikini Think you're missing an a before red.

The edit the Think the first the needs to be a they.

"Now, I best Not sure if the I here's supposed to be an I'd, or if it was a gramatical choice, but thought I'd point it out in case it was the former, though if it is gramatical, I like it a lot as a speech idiosyncrocy.

The way you jugstapose the awfulness of the Capitol with the normality of adolescents in every culture is brilliant. I loved them sneaking her into the adult section, because it was just such a universally teenagery thing to do. Which made the rampant sexualization even creepier in contrast. I found the bit with Effy and Junius particularly disturbing. It makes perfect sense that there would be no moors about sex being more meaningful than a moment's pleasure, unless the people involved decided it was, not any more momentous than eating a candy bar. But, coming from our culture, the fact that she just let the kissing happen because there wasn't a compelling reason not too highlighted how appalling that society could be. And of course, everything with the Capitol and pleasure is just awful foreshadowing for Finn, because the way the society's structured, most people would never even think of what was happening to him as exploitation; at least in our society, most of the people doing awful things at least get that they're doing awful things and just don't care.

And poor Effy; what an awful rude awakening. No wonder Haymitch never mentions her having a large social circle in the other fics; coming to understand the reality of the Games really would isolate her from the CD crowd, and it would be hard to make more friends, with how frenetic the Capitol is. What's happening with Effy really makes me think: Do you think the Victors themselves discourage relationships with good escorts, simply to keep them? We saw with Haymitch and Mimi and even more tellingly with Gia/Blight and Gia/Haymitch that the perspective/experiences of the people you love change you. You were talking before about how the retension of escorts would really depend on how well they could be controlled; so, if you had a good escort, you almost wouldn't want to drag them in any deeper, for fear they'd become unfit for Games work. And basic human decency, of course, as was illustrated so well with Caesar and Haymitch's conversation in the end.

And oh yeah, I bet Haymitch likes Miss Sanders a lot, with all her old papers and unorthadox views!:d I love the sponsors that he's carving out for himself; he really is doing what he asked Glass about doing at the beginning and finding his own fanbase. And I thought it was so funny how he immediately assummed that Effy and Miss Sanders would click, when they're obviously such different people; I like her, so it naturally follows you will too.

I love the Grove, and everything you explored through its introduction. I love being in a period of time where there's still a substantial population that remembers before the Games; it really highlights how the worst of the Capitol as seen in Kattniss and Peeta's time is Snow's creation and a byproduct of the Games themselves in a lot of cases.

Loved your exploration of differing mentoring styles, with Blight and Haymitc's disagreement.

Your Haymitch was yet again awesome with his attempts to protect Effy in his conversation with Caesar. I'm focusing on his chivalry rather than the layers underneath because: No kid needs to be in a room full of killers;such a searing commentary on his self-perception. And damn, I love your Caesar, trying so hard to look out for Haymitch.

Speaking of Haymitch, I felt so bad for him when they were talking about Mimi. How do you even start to explain the mess that situation is? Having to sensor every word with someone you'd been that close too would be a waking nightmare.

And the boy from Seven's death was absolutely appalling, and made about a thousand times worse by the fact that Effy was the only one looking at the screen.

And speaking of Effy, I remember that Haymitch specifically notes she doesn't carry a Com in GM; is she just not allowed to buy one, or does she start to worry about following a similar path to her mother and living above her means, so foregoes buying it?
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: May 9th, 2014 12:39 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback and More Typos

I'll grab those. It was definitely a typo on the last -- Caesar may well have some speech quirks, but he'd be very aware that they'd peg him as non-Capitol, so I see him as very carefully controlling his image in that way.

I think you're right that a lot of the people exploiting Finnick later on probably have no clue that there's anything questionable about it. They just think of sex as one more commodity to trade, and, while Finnick is high dollar, it's not anything alien to them, conceptually.

I think from canon that Haymitch hates himself quite a lot, and other people do tend to notice it. So, yes, in exactly the same manner that Effie thinks she'd never be good enough for such a famous man, he thinks a nice girl like her shouldn't be tainted by being around a person like him. (She's got herself pretty convinced, after all, that she's the main problem in her life.)

Hmm, Effie not carrying a comm -- we don't see a lot of evidence in HG that there's much in the way of instantaneous connection -- there's the earpiece in the military, and threats of an implant, but when push comes to shove, Katniss has to be brought to the phone in the field, and we don't see any evidence that the Capitolites have so much as cell phones on them to keep in touch. (Which makes sense -- satellites have fallen down and no one is relaunching them, so they'd be dependent on line-of-sight radio waves and so on. Come to think of it, the live broadcasts of the Games must be using some technology other than the current stuff.) By the time of the canon stories, it's entirely possible that this kind of technology is reserved entirely for military purposes.
From: (Anonymous) Date: May 9th, 2014 03:52 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback and More Typos

As an oppression tactic, it makes perfect sense. If nobody has a cell phone, nobody can post about ongoing events on twitter, and the government doesn't need to do anything obvious (like censoring tweets) to suppress non-sanctioned news.

On the other hand, Capitol Twitter would probably be one of the more inane distractions in the multiverse. It'd be like CNN, only worse!
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: May 9th, 2014 03:57 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback and More Typos

Capitol Twitter is a frightening thought. Dear God, the things they would be posting. Imagine the selfies! (Deviant Art -- I need Capitol Selfies! ;p)
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