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These Are The Names, Chapter 9 - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
These Are The Names, Chapter 9
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: May 27th, 2014 04:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Catches and Thoughts

at all own tricks Think you're missing a her before own.

down to fight Think you're missing an a before fight.

back into to town Just an extra to.

second-hand clothing ship Think ship should be shop.

with parachute drop Think you're missing an a before parachute, and I'm not sure if drop should maybe be dropped?

President's Snow's Think it should just be President, unless there was more to the sentence?

Just a continuity thing, but while rereading bits of GM the other day, I noticed that you mentioned thatGM, you mentioned that Jack's ally was from Six; maybe change, as it doesn't seem like you had Six doing anything major in those games that would conflict with the storyline?

There were so many good things in this chapter; I love your implication that the level of isolation we see in HG with Haymitch was a gradual thing, and really started to decline when he got "exiled" from the bakery, because Danny really was the last link in the support chain that could afford to make a real effort and wasn't, up to that point, entirely swamped in life himself. And the reasons for it are so plausible; I've seen the dynamic so often where friends get left by the wayside because a partner goes along with a spouse's wishes, especially when trying to rebuild after separations. And of course, it was all compounded by Danny's frustration (more at himself than Haymitch, if I'm reading correctly) over getting drunk in the first place with kids. The real tragedy of it being that ordinarily, while leaving a friend by the wayside would be hard, it wouldn't have the devastating consequences it does here.

I loved seeing Haymitch telling the kids stories; what a fantastic way to give a glimpse of what he'll be like twenty years down the road as a Dad!

Effie's dedication to Twelve really is astounding (I loved that you changed Ronca's Games so she was in an earlier one here, because seeing her pleasure in the wigs was just the perfect catalyst for making Effie stay after everything she was putting up with in terms of Haymitch) I'm not terribly good with physically ill people, so my tolerance totally would've been reached and exceeded by that sponge bath; I'm afraid that would've meant serious lobbying for a promotion.

I love the way you're showing Effie still being in love with Haymitch; the kisses and her reactions are the most obvious, and done flawlessly, imho. But more interesting to me is the way that all her relationships are foundering because of the connection she feels with Haymitch; even if she can't see it, the men around her can.

You write interlude chapters wonderfully; and you're creating a wonderful effect. I'm beginning to lose track of the Tributes; it's just all piling up and there's so much devastation it's hard to discriminate. Though, Babra's sister was awful. And what a way to be given a really sharp reality check and really feel like scum, to be told that you remind a poor doomed kid of his emotionally abusive parents. Especially for Haymitch, who hates Mere so much.

I loved getting all the Victors stories, especially Cecelia and Jack. What a fantastic win for Cecelia, and what a filthy trick by the Gamemakers in Jack's year, with, as others have mentioned, awful callbacks to Kattniss and Peeta.

Nasseah was about as bad as I thought that incident would be. Though I'm inclined to agree with Effie and think he got cocky; a shield makes too good a reflective surface for him not to understand what that was about when it was sent just after them talking about signals.

I love the way that to not go crazy in the Games culture, Effie's having to convince herself that she will be giving any Twelve winners prosperity; it'd be the only way for a nice person to survive.

And Finn's intro and reaccquaintance with Plutarch in the same year; this should be interesting!

fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: May 27th, 2014 05:23 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

Good catch on the District! I knew I'd mentioned it somewhere, but I couldn't remember where to go check. Of course, it means changing his name, too, but that's easy enough.

If I were another friend of Danny's and looking out for the kids, I'd probably be on the side of cutting him off from Haymitch... but being on Haymitch's side? Not so much. Best would have been trying to get Haymitch into everyday life more, but with Mir, we know that's not going to happen.

Trying to stay sane while working the Games... eek. The only ones who could do it while facing reality are people like Glass. I'd guess Games workers have about as stable a psyche as your average victor.
From: (Anonymous) Date: May 27th, 2014 05:49 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

I have been having a think about someones comment last chapter. Having not read cannon (and having no intention of reading cannon) I don't have a cannon idea of Effie at all. So she has never come across to me as an airhead. Is it just that Fern cannot write a stupid character?? We keep on crawling in to their heads and see it all makes a certain sense? Or does Katniss's view of Effie simply mean that Effie is acting more stupid then she actually is? Certainly, a lot of women in history have done that, and done it startling well. Jayne Mansfield jumps to mind. The woman was a violin virtuoso but preferred to wriggle across a screen and giggle breathlessly.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: May 27th, 2014 05:53 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

I think part of it is just a function of being inside someone's head at all. Inside your head, even the weirdest things you do make sense on some level.
From: queen_bellatrix Date: May 27th, 2014 07:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

Along with what Fern says (which is spot-on imho), and Fern, let me know if you disagree/this isn't how you're writing her? But, imho, much of what fandom sees as "being a bimbo/airhead" is just the psychological shielding you'd need to survive the games and not go batty. If you don't believe that you're maybe giving a kid a life of riches, and that introducing them to all the luxuries the Capitol has to provide will make it all less frightening, then you're faced with the idea that you're calling kids to get slaughtered.

There's also an expectation in the Capitol to be bright and appealing and the Games are a sporting event, for all intents and purposes. No matter what Effie's real feelings on the subject may be, she has to project positivity on camera because of the sponsors. And then, she's trying to be positive and lift the kids spirits; so, the kids would never see if she had doubts/misgivings/down moments.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: May 27th, 2014 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

Totally with you on that! Effie would likely lose her job if she weren't positive and peppy in public. In essence, she's a pop star, but without the option of striking out on her own -- if she has a meltdown, it won't be a career boost like... oh, some former Disney stars that might or might not have an oblique connection to HG. It'll mean being fired and shot down into obscurity, because there is a strict monopoly in the industry.

Of course, in the Capitol, more might be going on. I don't think we've seen the end of Capitol Dreams.
From: queen_bellatrix Date: May 27th, 2014 07:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches and Thoughts

Fwiw, and not to be presumptuous at all, but: I keep copies of your HP and HG fics and erm reread frequently.:d So, if there's ever a weird continuity thing you can't find and want to check beforehand, feel free to send a PM; no promises, but there's a good chance I may know where to find.
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