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These Are The Names, Chapter 15 - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
These Are The Names, Chapter 15
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: June 18th, 2014 04:58 am (UTC) (Link)

Feedback/catches

children for picnic
Think there should be an a before picnic. And shouldn't there maybe an and before helping Mary, since it's the last item in the list? (Not sure if you follow this convention since it's informal writing, but thought I'd mention just in case.)

It's better than the You're missing an open quote before it's.

with huge smile Think you're missing an a before huge.

daughter Delly, Think you may need a comma after daughter.

needs to fixed Think there should be a be before fixed.

back from mines Think you're missing a the before mines.

ideas by here Think you may need a comma between by and here?

I feel like managing to include quiet chapters like this where things actually go right for the characters should be celebrated in this fandom.:d

Caesar, per usual, is fabulous; my love for your interpretation of him just keeps growing as we get more of his exploits. He and Haymitch working on the whole scheme to disperse District funds makes me wish we could have had them working together on so many other things. If he could have been persuaded,he would've been invaluable to the rebellion.

I loved how Haymitch still knows how to interact with the Seam/his District, for all his protestations to the contrary. And seeing Effie and Haymitch working together to help the District; even as I knew there would probably be consequences, I had this huge goofy grin on my face, because it was just so cool. And I needed that to offset the frustration of the conclusion they came too regarding their relationship. As valid a conclusion as it is, there's really something about it that reinforces the pointless cruelty of the Gamemakers and Snow. Especially coming on the heels of poor Jack and how he's paying for his "perks"

Though, Jack made me think yet again how stupid Snow was with Haymitch, and how different things would've been if he'd been more farsighted; a Haymitch given "perks" in, say EOTW or HT...there really might not have been a rebellion, not because he didn't still want one, but because having been allowed to keep some sort of support network, he'd've done just about anything not to lose it. (I'm not sure it'd work now, even with Effie, because his hatred of the Capitol is so hardened.)

I agree with the above person who loved all the cameos; you work cameos into all your stuff beautifully.

And I hope Finnick has a good tour, or at least a good stop in Twelve; he deserves it, considering what's coming.

Speaking of Finn; do you think part of the reason he doesn't tell the other Victors what's going on for so long (until Annie's games, if I'm remembering GM right) is guilt over not taking Jack's advice last chapter about not flirting? It's just one of those things that no one would blame him for, but that I can see sticking in a kid's head.

And gaaah, Carrolyn/Doolin's plan to keep her out of Snow's sight is backfiring in the worst way! And Snow is such a bastard; he'd love this coverage, because a Finn whose not seen in connection with parents takes away even more taboos about him being a child. Awful as Snow was in the books, there're times when I just want to punch your version as hard as possible, and this is one of them.

And the RPF *shudders* When combined with the awful crowds, they're lucky they can get photos of the kid doing anything more than curling up in his bed now that he's home.

And Effie; I'm really worried for Effie. She's doing the same thing as Mimi and developing District sympathies, and the only consolation is that clearly whatever happens doesn't stick much past the end of HG, and seems to be cracking even there if her appearance in Final Eight's anything to go by.

As a final note, fantastic way to give your estimate of how long the victory tour lasts by saying that the drinking course lasts six weeks; for anyone that's read HT and remembers he was nearly finished with it in Four, it's just a great way to get a sense of time passing on reread. And I knew I recognized Finn's token; I thought it was the barrett, but then decided I had to be wrong because I didn't remember her wearing it off the train. Coolest cameo of an object!:d

Btw, Mags' logic in the last chapter for sending the trident was the coolest interpretation I've ever seen of that gift!







fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: June 18th, 2014 05:22 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/catches

I think I'll leave the comma out of "the shoemakers' daughter," since its place in the list just makes it look like Delly and the shoemakers' daughter are different children. It's technically correct to have the comma (since she's the only daughter), but in the interest of clarity, I'll leave it out this time.

All those missing words were after I had gone over it. My head just supplies them when I read along, so it's incredibly valuable to me that you pick them out.

I think Haymitch loves his district, no matter how much it seems to alienate and frustrate him. It's where he's from and who he is.

It's definitely too late at this point for Snow to salvage the Haymitch situation by allowing him to have someone to love, but yes... how utterly stupid to let it get to this point. Imagine, a smart and sober Haymitch with people around him who matter to him, and with opportunities to use that overactive brain.

Then again, if the dictators of the Capitol had any brains, they wouldn't practically guarantee another rebellion by murdering district children as entertainment every year.

I think Finnick's situation may be clear before he tells the others, but yes, part of it is most likely being shamed into thinking that it's his own fault somehow, that he "let" people think this about him, that he he doesn't fight back even though he's capable, that he does it out of fear. The others don't push him to tell because it's his choice what to share or not share with them, and he'll tell them when he's ready... but of course, something like that, it probably needed prodding.


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