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The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
These Are The Names, Chapter 20
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: July 8th, 2014 02:24 am (UTC) (Link)


Fwiw, I'm sorry if any of these are misinterpretations rather than errors, especially some of the bigger stuff.

why bothers to Think you're missing a he before bothers.

finally get his book group. I'm confused at this bit; I remember Erastus asking Effie if Haymitch had read a particular book, and thinking that people would want his oppinion of it, which might lead to money, but can't find any mention of him planning to get a group together other than for that one year?

"I'll let I don't think you need the quote here, unless there was supposed to be a closing quote after the fine before and a bit of exposition?

got in fight Think you're missing an a before fight.

is asking question Think you're either missing a the before question, or it needs to be plural.

them and Haymitch I
Missing a comma after them, and I think you're missing an and before I.

six hover crafts Am a bit confused about the number here; from what I remember about the books, each tribute was given their own hover craft. So, shouldn't it be twenty-four? Or are they not all rising in unison, and rising in groups of four so that what they saw was only the first group?

Also, in the bit just after Effie gives Jack the skirt, you say that Haymitch sat down in Jack's place. But, when Effie went to process the sponsorships at the work station, it seemed like she left the chair she'd been using open, which Haymitch then took to talk to Jack. So, unless Jack sat down beside her at the work station for the bit of time after she handed him the skirt and before he went to clean up and I missed it, wouldn't Haymitch just be coming to take a spare chair at the station? Sitting beside her, but not taking anyone's place?

Gaaah, this chapter was wonderful! The way you can give us so many fascets of character through dialogue, while keeping their conversations interesting and flowing briskly is fantastic.

The book-related banter between Haymitch and Effie, and her use of the library as the carrot to make the sponsor meeting bearable, made me grin hugely. And Butterfly and Haymitch talking coded rebellion; that girl really is smart. I'd very much like to see her get as far as is possible, considering we know her eventual fate, though that has as much to do with seeing Chaff and Seeder as Butterfly, tbh; I'm always up for your interpretations of those two! And Haymitch's concern over Miss Buttery!:d

But, I have to say the three crowning moments of the chapter were:
Butterfly and Effie's chat. I really didn't like Butterfly last chapter, and you managed to make her a funny, empathetic character in just a few paragraphs. And the trouser joke was brilliant! Effie's perception about control and rebellion was just so spot-on; made me worry for her, but was spot-on. And the way she answered Butterfly would've made Haymitch proud. Not to mention that her reason for being an escort encapsulates why the good escorts do their job; a really brief but pointed commentary on how there can be good Games workers. And in a similar vein, loved Effie's mental eyeroll over Haymitch's reason for all the mentors meeting.

Jack. Everything with Jack; he is a fantastic oc, and I hope we get a bit more time with him! If I had to pick a favorite, I'd have to say it was his verbal eyeroll over Haymitch seeming ashamed; you could just tell what he wanted to say was: Will you please stop worrying about being non-PC? And the reference to his and Lindon's domesticity.:d

And the interviews, especially how good Caesar was with the tributes; your portrayal of him is so fabulous, it's now headcannon. And omg, did Snow actually try and poison Caesar? I can't tell if that accounts for the length of the purge, or if he was exaggerating to talk up Jo.

Oh Jo; when River dies, it's going to send her wild, because it'll be so much like her brother. Speaking of Jo, if I understand it right, she was given a choice, and filling the quota was the price for not going to the community home?

And Blight *headdesk*

fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: July 8th, 2014 03:24 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Catches/Squee

Haymitch was standing between Jack and where Effie was working; he just sat down after Jack left.

Jack's "social" calendar is starting to slow down -- it stops pretty soon -- so he's in a relatively good mood. And yeah, no patience with Haymitch being embarrassed about their respective humiliations.

I think I'll let both Butterfly and River live a little bit.

There's a difference in the transports this year, because of the distance they're traveling. It's not the usual crafts.
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