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The Last Tribute: Chapter Seventeen - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
The Last Tribute: Chapter Seventeen
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: October 16th, 2014 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)

Feedback/some Catches part 1

Verbosity got the better of me today; this chapter inspired so many thoughts/feelings.:d

caught in in a Just an extra in.

change as hurls Think you're missing a he before hurls.

and to Clove and Cato Think either you're missing some words here, or have an extra to, though I can't quite tell which.:)

trouble again, and demanding to Think maybe demanding should be demands? Unless maybe you're missing a word, and it should be something like and starts demanding etc. etc.?

smaller physically area Think physically should be physical?

as a district of a district of Just the duplicated phrase.

that, the want Think the should be they.

outdistrict raiders Think outdistrict needs a hyphen? At least, that's the way I've usually seen it in your pieces.:)

tantrum at evaluations Not entirely sure if this is just a gramatical choice, or if you're missing a the before evaluations; inclined to think the former, but thought I'd point it out just in case.

Not a continuity thing; just a personal clarification one: When Annie's talking about love, she mentions Finn and she, and then you and me; someone repeats it. That's jo, right? I'm assuming so, because she's the one squirming later.

I'm curious, because you've probably had to think about this, working so closely with Eight. Are you going to go back in the edits after this one, and edit it so the reason the camera very abruptly cuts away in Finn's interview is implied to be the person coming to summon him for his "date"; God forbid they actually show that on television; would ruin the whole image. Or are you going to leave the abrupt cutting away as him getting angry about the reporter asking Annie about his technique, and just let that bit not be mentioned here since it was mentioned there?

One of my favorite small bits of this was getting, what I think at least, is a bit of extra Mimi info. I remember the moment where she first mentioned the better person thing, in the morning after, and that she said she needed to work harder about it. But she was relatively optimistic she could do it; the bit that he remembers implies that they talked, at some later point before he left, about how hard changing your personality really is. And I very much like that they had that conversation; just adds a nice dimension to their relationship, somehow.

I had an awful thought while reading this. There're all sorts of theories about why Snow allowed the rule change; but, if you're doing what I think you're doing, you're setting up the best one, hands-down. Once he realized it was inevitable that he'd need to allow it, did he always intend to reverse it in the verse as you're writing it? All these people that were clearly Haymitch's friends were rallying behind Haymitch to play "his" audience to make an unprecedented move. Was his intention always to make them kill one another, the way Haymitch/Maysilee feared, and quash the last of Haymitch's rebel tendencies? And everyone else who'd gotten their hopes up among the Victors, too, naturally, but the way you've written how much he hates Haymitch, I can see it specifically being targeted in that direction. Not that it wouldn't also serve as a very good punishment for the Capitol, in much the same way the quell was meant too, for going outside the accepted order.

I love how you took all these hints we were given in the book (things like Kattniss singing to Prim and then her own children), and made the meadow song this deeply primal familial thing in Twelve. And the way you described the flowers and what they meant/why they meant it; yes. This is what I've been trying and failing to articulate since I read HG *tips hat*
From: queen_bellatrix Date: October 16th, 2014 05:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 2

Haymitch's insights about the Capitol wanting to be clean and wanting normal families are so spot-on. Seeing him use them to give the Capitol hope is so refreshing after all the back-story, and especially after TANT, where we got such a close look at them.

One of your strengths as a writer, imho, is the very distinct character voices you create. For Haymitch's, I love the moments of slightly off-beat grammar/syntax that identify a piece as quintessentially Haymitch. For this chapter in particular, I'm thinking, rather oddly, of "averted everyone's attention" I'm fairly well-read, but I don't think I've seen averted used in place of diverted quite like that before; this could just be because of the things I'm reading, but I enjoyed the uniqueness of the phrase anyway. And your vocabulary overall is glorious; atavistic horror is still sticking with me as the perfect way to sum up that fire.

Much as I loved the political maneuvering (and I did love it; you write some of the most complicated/layered politics I've ever seen. I just go roll around in your Fiona trial scene from Stray sometimes when I'm looking for good political drama), the interpersonal dynamics were the show stealers for me this chapter. Especially the chats between Haymitch and Chaff and Haymitch/Finn. Your Chaff is fantastic, and I very much wanted Chaff survives AU after reading this chapter, because damn, I want them snarcing/defeating Coin together. He has so many hidden depths, and I love when he shows them. He reminded me of veterans of slave insurrections I've read about, who's seen the same things play out so many times and knows how they always end and how much innocent blood will be spilled in the process. I especially loved his comment about them knowing the peacekeepers can shoot and practically daring them. That's so much of the district-specific rebellions' problem right there. And I couldn't help sorta agreeing with him about why in the hell one of the bigger girls throwing rocks didn't step forward and volunteer. But yeah, had Chaff adoration in spades this chapter.:d And Seeder; seeing her reaction made Rue's death so much worse; I keep trying to think of more to say about her, but all I'm coming up with are how sick the Games are. Though I did love that it was she that initiated the bread gift; I wonder, did the parents ask her to do that, or did she subtly make the suggestion?

Loved Plutarch being frustrated with not knowing the plan; but then, watching all Haymitch's friends and liking them so much, I'm not too happy with him at the moment for being so hell-bent on waiting for the quell, so it was especially nice to be satisfied at his frustration.

Also loved Haymitch coming up with the majority of the Cato/Clove story and Seneca's sheepish admission that he wanted to see Twelve's storyline play out. If you weren't a Gamemaker, Seneca, I would think your romanticism endearing; now I still do, a bit, but primarily, I'm disturbed he's putting it to use making a show. Any particular reason, do you think, that he didn't bring in Eno; just because Brutus is the ostensible leader of the Career alliance?
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 16th, 2014 05:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 2

Willow at work says: *goes to find Fiona's trial scene to roll around too*
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: October 16th, 2014 05:35 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 2

I do like Haymitch's voice (via the talented Mr. Harrelson, honestly -- he looks nothing whatsoever like book Haymitch, but I will never be able to hear anyone else's voice in the part). That mild twist in syntax, the rhythm of the words -- that just seems like the way Haymitch is.

Ah, political maneuvering... yes, things I get from going to undergraduate school among the political wonks and history buffs. I always felt a step behind most of my friends, who could rattle off historical political maneuvers without blinking, but I guess some rubbed off. I tend to watch real-world politics with an eye for who's playing what storylines, and why.

But ultimately, I'm a character writer, so I'm glad that it's the interpersonal stuff that sticks out. I also wish Chaff had lived! I wished it in the book after his build-up, too.

Ugh, I forgot Eno. Brutus is the lead for D2; she's, um... watching the table and working the phones. Because their escort isn't as good as Effie.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: October 16th, 2014 05:28 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 1

I'll grab those.

It's Jo that she's talking to, but I could probably tag that without much damage.

It actually is in Eight that Finnick is called away on his date, though what Delly sees is that an old man looks impatiently at his watch. The Capitol plays him as a playboy who likes money (Katniss refers to his dates as being quite broadminded -- both the rich and the very rich), so they may think it's a legitimate date.

There may well have been a plan from the beginning, or Snow could be reacting as he goes. I'm not sure right now.

Katniss understood her act as one of rebellion, but I think that, in our society, it seems so mundane, it's sometimes hard to think of what the rituals of death mean about the sanctity of life... and what sick and twisted things the Games really are. I see a lot of fan art based on the idea that the Games keep going or start again, and it's kind of scary, because it doesn't seem to see just how bad it is.
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 16th, 2014 06:01 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 1

Ah, I'm sorry about the Finn date thing! Just went and checked, and what I'd gotten it confused with was the bit later in Eight where they try and interview Annie in Four after it starts raining in the arena and he was less than pleased.

You even established earlier that the Career escorts weren't as good as Effie, so that works great as an explanation.:d Totally understand why you wouldn't include Eno; there's something about this slowly building tension between Haymitch and Brutus that culminates in that furious interview where Twelve gives Haymitch the thumbs-up that only works if they're put in situations together beforehand where there's no one to smooth out their differences. They're such exact opposites they're garunteed to rub one another the wrong way. And total agreement about Brutus drinking the Koolaide by the bucketfull *headdesk*

There's...art about the Games starting again/never stopping *shudders*

You said once that Chaff was a student of history, particularly slave history. Do you think he got the stuff on the black market, in similar fashion to Haymitch, or do you think the Capitol's pretty honest about things like slavery/the Holicost to make what they do so much less heinous. Sort of like they are with the barbarism of the rivalry between the seam/merchant class in Twelve before they moved in; talk about how bad things were before (particularly the way people were anialated because they were a certain race/class), and things don't look so bad about what you're doing? Cultural Authority would need to edit out a lot about how, for instance, the resistance fighters of WWII were of all different races, many of whom weren't in danger but helped the Jews anyway, because that could be as dangerous as Huck Finn for corroding the social order, but I can see them having edited accounts Chaff could have read quite a lot between the lines of.
Queen_Bellatrix (who doesn't feel like logging in just before bed.:)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: October 16th, 2014 06:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/some Catches part 1

Hmm. Some of it was probably black market, but I'd guess the Capitol would be keen to have things that would discredit the former country on their land as much as possible. Not much undermines the values of freedom and republic more than the fact that people can point to the country preaching them and say, "You hypocrites!" (It's not really a logical argument -- a kind of version of ad hominem, actually -- but it's emotionally effective.) So I can see the Capitol allowing that, and the Holocaust, and the Rwandan genocide, and the Armenian genocide... things that it would use to prove that it is a new and uniquely non-violent place. After all, they only kill 23 kids a year. Surely, you don't want to go back to the way the human race used to do things! Only they'd be very careful about stories in which ordinary people did anything about it. These things can only be solved by putting the "right" people in absolutely control.) But of course, human beings being what they are, there would be people who would take an interest, and track down more information.

Yes. The first time I saw something referring to the 125th Games, I went, "Huh?"
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