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The Last Tribute: Chapter Eighteen - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
The Last Tribute: Chapter Eighteen
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: October 22nd, 2014 04:58 am (UTC) (Link)

Feedback/Some Catches

medicine into arena Think you're missing a the after into.

that surprise they Think you're missing a the before surprise.

Chaff ask me Just need to add an s to ask.

about Katniss smart Just need to make Katniss Katniss's.

in a the rock Not sure if the a or the the is the unnecessary word here.:)

call, air is Think maybe you're missing an and the before air?

an odd thing that usually has a copy in the library I'm not sure if this was a deliberate choice (more of the deliberate syntax twisting we were talking about last chapter) or if this got a bit muddle and should have said something more like: an odd thing that the library usually has a copy of but no one purchases etc. etc. Thought I'd mention it just in case it's the latter; imho, it works if it's the former.:)

except the parents of the dead tribute Seems like there may be some missing words here, unless I'm missing what you're getting at; I think maybe you were getting at the fact that tributes from Two have died before the final six; or were you saying that even if a Two tribute wins, there'll be one less person celebrating because one of them has to die?

Just one tiny continuity error and again, I can't quite tell if you're deliberately trying to show Haymitch's pickling or if it was a slip, so thought I'd mention just in case. But, he wore his Dad's boots (Lacklen wore Rhona's). Why that detail stuck in my head, I will never know, but I checked HT and EOTW to be sure.

That scene with the sparklers *flails* That had me grinning all day. Especially because we've gotten Haymitch's awareness of his manipulation of the Capitolites; we really needed a scene that showed that no matter how much he is playing the angle, at core, he's such the complete opposite of the regime he's attempting to overthrow there's no comparison. And then more personally, the poverty empathy, particularly the bit about having a set number of resources and not being able to change things, no matter how much you want them hits home, especially right now. And so the idea of being able to change things in some other way than financial contributions is a profound one, from where I'm sitting.

Also, I loved the acknowledgement that poverty really is about where you are, as much as what you have. Even some of the poorest people in America would be seen as well-off by Twelve's standards (running water, telephones, computers, etc. etc.), but that doesn't actually help their situation because they're not well-off according to their society. I love your explorations of how this works in the Capitol (and I'd imagine it can get pretty bad, especially for the avoxes and the recent releases from debtors prison)

Haymitch's comment about Chaff at the beginning of this chapter was very intriguing, especially because it gives some interesting connotations to a line in HT. When they're at the bar before Chaff teaches him about the video phone, Chaff says something like: "You can stop. That's good." I always thought it was an admission that he couldn't, and so admired Haymitch; I'm now wondering: Was it more Chaff expressing oblique concern about how much Haymitch went off the rails in his Victory tour after Glass showed up? Or is Haymitch wrong about what Chaff can do in terms of controlling it?

And is the little girl at the play center that's interviewed Prisca? Or am I imagining things because the irony of Snow's grandchild being a K/P supporter is just too awesome? And was the older child who gave the younger a sparkler Aurelian, or am I just looking too hard for cameos?

I also really liked how you're showing Capitol censorship with the large delay between when the mentors are getting the district interviews in "real-time" and when we know Twelve gets them in Eight (I'm thinking especially of the interview about Clove being on all of Cato's teams coming after the gym in Eight); they've really started cracking down on rebel content; a lot fewer live interviews and more time to cut things.

And bastards; they never intended Twelve to win; have Katniss die fighting for the medicine, and then paint her as someone who, ultimately, just wasn't strong enough to overcome the Games; punish the Capitol for believing in her, and Twelve for supporting their uppity volunteer. *fumes*
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: October 22nd, 2014 05:27 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/Some Catches

Hmm. The shoes could be a continuity error. Or a deliberate exaggeration. Or Haymitch's memory being fuzzy. I'll get an answer in, one way or another.

Money is the bogeyman of my life. I rarely get weepy over anything else, and I wanted to put in something about the sheer psychological power of the stuff, especially when people are saying, "Help us by... GIVING US MONEY! If you don't give us money, you DON'T CARE!" It's horrible. And yes, poverty is definitely situational. Where I grew up, I was certainly not well-to-do by any means, but very few people in town were. Social events tended to be cheap or free, not that I socialized a lot (for other reasons). The kids who got cars got old junkers, and no one thought twice about it. Getting to college? Culture shock of major proportions.

A lot of the weirdness with timing, I'll write off as Capitol censorship, and replaying of earlier segments in mandatory viewing hours. (In fact, a goodish chunk was because, in F8, I hadn't really stepped back and appreciated just how long Katniss spends in this book just randomly wandering the woods. It was probably actually supposed to be afternoon when she found Peeta.)

I think Chaff was worried about Haymitch becoming an addict. He's seen it in other victors, and boy, Haymitch sure was acting like it. But Haymitch says he's not, and doesn't tell Chaff that in the Capitol, he's been on meds. Chaff, I think, really isn't an alcoholic, just a heavy drinker.

Aurelian hasn't quite finished his transformation into wanting to be just like Peeta -- that will probably come during the time in the cave, so that probably wasn't him. And I doubt Snow would let Prisca on camera, alas.

Of course they never expected Twelve to win. That's never supposed to happen!
vesta_aurelia From: vesta_aurelia Date: October 22nd, 2014 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Feedback/Some Catches

"Of course they never expected Twelve to win. That's never supposed to happen!"

It's always supposed to be One or Two, isn't it--the good, obedient little Stockholm-ed Districts who are so invested in their own systemic abuse that they can't see how they're being abused? (with, occassionally, an outlier from another District, just to keep the rest playing the game).

The more you think about them, the more sick the mental abuse/addiction cycle of the Games are.
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