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The Big Empty: Chapter Four - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
The Big Empty: Chapter Four
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From: queen_bellatrix Date: February 14th, 2015 07:24 am (UTC) (Link)

A Few Possible Catches

Will try and come back tomorrow to leave actual feedback--guh, that was one hell of a brilliant cliffhanger that topped off an amazing chapter, I have to say just in case I don't get a chance to go into proper detail--but wanted to get a few things I'd found up before you archived.

now and then we'll Think you may need a comma after then, unless this is one of the spots where you didn't want to slow down the sentence?:)

be a choice going Think you're missing a between before going? Also, Effrim says there that the road will be much more westerly by the time they reach it, and that it will then be a choice between going west or southeast; I'm assuming this simply means that they'll have to go straight west, rather than southwest the way they have been, but I just wanted to point it out in case you meant a different direction there since they're already going southwest.

something at looks like Think the at should be that.

The we reach the Think maybe the the there is an odd edit surviver?

under a slight raised Think slight should maybe be slightly?

None of moves Think you're missing an us before moves.

wide brim hats Can't quite tell if brim should be brimmed, or if that's a syntax thing?

Edited at 2015-02-14 07:30 am (UTC)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: February 14th, 2015 07:51 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: A Few Possible Catches

Got 'em, thanks.

Basically, the road they're on had been south, then south-southwest, then directly southwest. The new road (Rte. 64, if you're interested), goes more or less directly west. I added a line.
4 comments or Leave a comment