?

Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile Previous Previous Next Next
Repost: The Golden Mean, Chapter 9 - The Phantom Librarian — LiveJournal
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
fernwithy
fernwithy
Repost: The Golden Mean, Chapter 9
2 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
From: queen_bellatrix Date: March 12th, 2015 05:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Some Catches/Feedback

Remember reading that you left these up for a few days before archiving, so am hoping I caught these before you have.

the Hob," she said Think said should be says.

during that and Think you're missing a comma after that.

well, what happened. Just missing the closing quote here.

Just a couple of continuity/confusion things. There's a bit after Sae muses that perhaps they send peacekeepers in after every victory where Haymitch thinks that he doesn't think this is the case but will need to ask. But, in Rites, he finds out from Chaff that they sent them in after his games, but not after Seeder's because she was loyal. And he has to have seen the same thing happen with people Snow sees as rebellious in the aftermath of later games, surely? I'm also thinking of the comment last chapter where he's thinking they're lucky Snow waited six months, which would also seem to indicate that it's not all that surprising? Unless the prostitution thing mainly became the way to control fractious victors, which put the subduing Districts tactic on the back burner, which I could also see with how much Snow seems to enjoy doing it to Finn.

Also, at the very end, he's thinking that there aren't many gaps in the village but it's not hard to follow. I'm...a bit confused; I keep thinking he's saying there aren't many gaps in the fence where it runs along beside the village, but it's not hard to reach the one there is, except that he then talks about Katniss covering her tracks, which makes me think maybe he's talking about following her?

Some really fabulous edits in this one; that line about the phone not seeming so loud when Mimi was calling was cruel and unusual!:) And just some nice thematic paralleling, having him think of Mimi and then talk to Effie.

Loved what you did here with memory, and the way that these traumatic events that are so clear and present for Haymitch are so distant for everyone else; just really fabulous work showing how caught up/influenced by the past he is. Especially with Digger; she seems so real/vivid in Haymitch's pov, and then to have memories of her fading into this beneficent haze for everyone else; ouch, both for how short/underappreciated her life was, and how much it still haunts him, which she would hate. I'm missing Digger a lot while reading this.

Liked the Hayzelle apology more this go round, and just generally liked her more. The first time around, I was so caught up in Haymitch's pov, the sincerity of her apology didn't register and I just saw it as angling for a job, but the genuineness of it came through this round. And I liked that there was more buildup/romantic tension between she and Haymitch, particularly the additions post-glass of wine; very nice work.

That question of hers about whether he ever talked about things in terms of how old he was and his flippant answer, especially coming on the heels of realizing just how long it's been since he's let himself believe he could have a relationship enough to actually count his interactions as dates was another breath-stealing moment in this one. His isolation and general emotional state is hitting me so much harder now, having been invested in him over so many stories.

ETA: I feel so damn sorry for Ruth, railing against the engagement and trying, as best she can to look after Katniss's interests, especially because if she got what she wanted, Katniss's situation would become even more precarious. And it's so ironic to see her fighting for Katniss here, because it just highlights how keenly she feels her failures as a mother; I'm not sure if her self-awareness here makes what she does at the end of NP better because she knows how much she's letting her daughter down by going to Four, or worse because even with that and the will power we've seen from her in other stories, that's one instance where her demons get te better of her.

Edited at 2015-03-13 07:52 am (UTC)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: March 18th, 2015 06:03 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Some Catches/Feedback

:facepalm:

I got into the Q&A and the "Big Empty" chapter, and forgot to respond to you!

I changed the ending so that he's actually in his backyard, at the spot where Digger died, instead of finding Katniss's hair. She'd have been more careful than that, anyway.

Fixed the bit where he thinks Sae could be right to him knowing that what she says is true sometimes, but not thinking that it's just that this time.

The difference in perception about Digger's death -- it's kind of like Haymitch thinking about Glen's death, compared to Katniss thinking about it. For Haymitch, it's a tragedy that hit the whole district, and it's a shame that Glen was caught in it, but of course, it defines Katniss's whole life. For Hazelle, Digger's a distant memory. She wasn't one of the people at the fence, so she doesn't have the images in her head. It was just a bad thing that happened in the district, and she forgot the details. For Haymitch, it's still happening.

When I first wrote the story, I wasn't sure where the bit with Hazelle was going, but I think what happened with them in the end was that he made a real, honest-to-God friend, once they, well, scratched a mutual itch. Which they also both needed, if only for a few minutes. Hazelle's sharp enough to see through Haymitch's BS, and he doesn't have the idealized version of her that she has to put up with from her kids and Katniss.

I think Ruth may have been starting to come around until she lost Prim, and everyone else. In some ways, it makes it worse that she did have an understanding of what it meant to be Katniss's mother and still failed. On the other hand... sometimes, people fail.
2 comments or Leave a comment