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Teddy Lupin and the Forest Guard, Chapter Six: The Kappa In Classroom Eleven, pt. 2 - The Phantom Librarian
Spewing out too many words since November 2003
Teddy Lupin and the Forest Guard, Chapter Six: The Kappa In Classroom Eleven, pt. 2
Whew--went to sleep when I got home, but hey, I did a bunch of hand-writing. Let's see if I can read it!

Anyway, Teddy's spending a Saturday with his new friends, playing the D&D-like game Muggles and Minions. There's a group of eleven, with representation from all the Houses. Teddy, his Hufflepuff friend Bernice, and his new Gryffindor friend Ruthless Scrimgeour have volunteered to go get lunch, but as the elves have been making the school's lunches, they get chased out and told to wait. They opt to wander around. As they pass classroom eleven, Bernice stops suddenly, seeing a kappa.

Table of Contents and Summary So Far

Teddy stopped walking and gaped at the figure in the door of classroom eleven. It was about the size of Rosie Weasley, had green scales, and made scrabbling and sloshing sounds as it dove toward them, grinning obscenely. A sunburst caught at the top of its head, and Teddy saw a little pool of water, hedged and protected by a round ring of bone. Instinctively, he rushed forward, pushing it back into the classroom. Ruthless came in beside him.

Kappa, he thought, his mind scrambling furiously through the piles of creature books he'd been obsessed with as a little boy, the shiny new ones that Granny had bought, the battered old ones from the box in he'd found in his parents' closet when he'd moved from the nursery into their room. Kappas belonged in the water, he remembered, seeing a picture in his mind of a little green monkey-shaped creature swimming in a river. They belonged in the water, and they caught swimmers and either strangled them or sucked out their entrails through their--

Teddy went hot in the face and backed up against the edge of the door, putting solid stone against the kappa's favorite entry point. He reached over to Ruthless and shoved her back against the other side of the door. Bernice was standing between them.

"Get help!" Teddy hissed at her. "I think if we get the water... but.."

Bernice nodded smartly and ran off toward the Great Hall. Teddy didn't imagine it would take long for her to get Robards or Flitwick.

"Try to make it bow," he told Ruthless.


"The water on its head. It won't be strong if it loses the water. And, er... keep your bum to the wall."

She squinted at him through her thick glasses. "Are you making this up?"

"No, I swear. I had books when I was little. My dad used to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts."

The kappa made a sudden, jerky move toward them, and there was no time to explain further. Teddy flicked his wand at it, but the only spell he could think of was "Lumos," which accomplished nothing at all. He kicked at it instead, and it grabbed for his trainer.

Ruthless hit it with a Jelly Legs Jinx and it sprawled onto the floor. A bit of water sloshed from its head, but it righted itself before losing everything. It ran at Ruthless.

Teddy raised his wand and said, "Petrificus Totalis," but he either needed practice or a different wand--or, he supposed, kappas were a difficult animal to hex--as he succeeded only in shocking the kappa, making it jump several feet in the air, and infuriating it.

"I've got help!" he heard in the corridor, then Bernice burst into the room--not with Robards and Flitwick, but with the entire Forest Guard and most of the Muggles and Minions players. Teddy stared at them, perplexed.

"Teddy says watch your arse," Ruthless told them.

The Guard fanned out around the confused, jumpy kappa.

"We need to get it out of the castle!" Frankie declared. "It's not safe to have it wandering around. It could hurt someone."

"Er..." Teddy began. "Shouldn't we, well..." But he couldn't follow it up. He tried to imagine Uncle Harry deciding that teachers should handle this tiny little problem, and couldn't quite do it. Plus it would hardly look good if the year's only Gryffindor slunk off to get an adult while all of his mates from other Houses stood their ground. He straightened his back and raised his wand again.

"Lupin!" Tinny called. "What do you know about them?"

"Water demons," Teddy answered. "Dangerous. Plus... what Ruthless said. About your arse. It likes to suck out your innards through there."

This was greeted with several blank stares, and a "That's nasty" from Tinny.

"Do you think it got out of the lake?" Roger Young asked.

Something seemed off about this to Teddy, but he couldn't put his finger on it. They weren't exactly native, but Hagrid had the Forest stocked with dozens of things that weren't; he wouldn't be surprised to find out that the lake had its fair share as well. When you came down to it, the Giant Squid wasn't even native. "It must've," he said. "Mustn't it? Where else would it come from?"

"Then we should get it back there," Frankie said. "And then find out just who decided to let it into the castle," he added grimly, his eyes narrowing, and Teddy guessed that he meant them to look steely.

"Make it bow," Teddy said for the second time. "Make the water spill off of its head. It'll go weak and we can just carry it."

"Good call, Lupin," Bernice said, stepping forward with her shoulders squared. She bowed at the kappa.

Zachary hurried over and hovered behind her, saying, "I've got your bum, Bernice."

"Who's got yours?" she snarled, looking so deeply serious that Teddy felt the first hint of laughter rising up in his belly. He stifled it... for a moment.

Zachary seemed to realize that he had nothing behind him, and spun around so was arse to arse with Bernice, trying to match her movements by touch. Beside Teddy, Ruthless snorted, and he could see her mouth pressed tightly shut, her cheeks reddening. He felt his own wild laughter bubbling up. It came out in a clear explosion, and a moment later, Tinny started up, bending over. Roger ran over to her to guard her, but glanced at Zachary and Bernice and started laughing before he got there. The kappa glanced from one pair to the another, looking for all the world like Victoire watching her younger sisters in a particularly juvenile mood, and that thought got Teddy laughing all over again.

Frankie, on Ruthless's other side, let out out a guffaw, and deliberately bumped his bum into hers. She bumped back once, but when he did it again, she raised her wand and sent him reeling into the far wall. The kappa chased after him, but quite unfortunately for it, Ruthless's spell had a lot of power behind it, and when Frankie hit the wall, he pistoned his arms out and went shooting backward, off-balance, straight into the kappa's path. He knocked into it at full speed, twisting his feet against it and sprawling both of them onto the floor, dazed. Frankie shook his head, remembered what he'd run into and scrambled up, hands covering the seat of his trousers, but the kappa didn't move.

The laughter was still coming in breathless fits, echoed by everyone in classroom eleven, when Teddy realized that his trainers were wet, and the kappa had been down much longer than it should have been just from the shock of bumping into a thirteen-year-old, even a big one. He could see this dawning on his friends' faces as well, their laughter draining down to hiccups, their faces pale.

Roger Young said it first: "Is it... dead?"

Frankie took a few steps forward, his eyes wide, and knelt beside the kappa. He put his fingers on its neck, then replied with relief, "Its heart's beating. What happened?"

"The water," Teddy said, pointing at the puddle on the floor. "It spilled. It lost its strength."

"Will it die without it?" Donzo asked.

"Someone should get a teacher," Ruthless suggested. "They're probably still in the Great Hall..."

Bernice shook her head, looking confused. "They were all gone already when I went through."

"We should get it back to the lake ourselves, then," Frankie said. "We can save it. It's not too late." An odd sort of shadow seemed to cross his open, friendly face, then it was gone, and Teddy was sure he'd imagined it. He gathered up the kappa and headed for the doors at a good clip. The rest of them looked at one another awkwardly, then followed.

The day had come up hot and humid and walking outside the cool stone walls of the castle was like walking into a steaming cauldron. Teddy felt like he was swimming through the air as he squeezed to the front of the group and ran ahead to catch up with Frankie.

"It'll be all right when we get water into its head again," he offered.

Frankie grimaced. "I just meant to get it out of the castle!"

"Right, and you couldn't do it with it trying to get to your entrails."

Frankie looked at him strangely; apparently, his personal sense of the heroic meant getting rid of it without incapacitating it or hurting it in any way.

They reached the lake shore and Frankie put the kappa down. "Hold him up, Ted," he said. "So he doesn't spill again."

Teddy sat cross-legged on the ground, then pulled the kappa's body upright. He could see the cone-shaped hollow at the top of its head quite clearly, ringed by purplish veins. Frankie ran to the water, scooped some up in his hands, and splashed what little he'd managed to carry into the hollow. The kappa stirred minutely, then was still again. Frankie ran back.

The rest of the group caught up, and Bernice saw Frankie running with his hands full of water. "I know a fourth year spell for this!" she announced, then raised her wand and said, "Accio water!"

Teddy realized what was going to happen an instant before the lake suddenly drew back from its banks with a horrible sucking sound, drawing itself into a great mountain of water that was pointing directly toward them. From halfway up the mountain, a trapped merperson dove down into the depths. Ruthless ran forward waving her wand wildly and yelling "Finite incantatem! Finite incantatem!"

The water fell back with a great splash, and then it was rushing toward them, borne not by magic but by the rules of gravity, foaming with unspent energy--

It stopped.

Teddy blinked. A five foot high wall of water was standing not a foot from his nose, foam trailing upward. Beyond it, he could see another swell of the lake, much higher. It was like standing at the bottom of a ravine.

Except that, at the bottom of a ravine, he wouldn't be able to see a grindylow swim serenely by.

He looked over his shoulder and saw Professors Sprout, Longbottom, Robards, and Hagrid coming down the slope, wands drawn, redcaps capering gleefully around their ankles.

Students and staff looked at one another, and Teddy saw Professor Longbottom pressing his lips together, trying not to smile.

Professor Sprout cocked her head to one side, raising her her eyebrows at Robards. "Well, Professor Robards," she said, "it seems we won't have to go back to looking for your missing kappa after all."
34 comments or Leave a comment
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viatrix03 From: viatrix03 Date: August 9th, 2007 05:37 am (UTC) (Link)
The Forest Guard saves the day--more or less! Oh so wonderful! I'm going to believe that Remus and Tonks were lovingly watching from above (as they have been for 11 years) with tears of mirth and a swell of pride :)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 06:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Hopefully, with Sirius right by their side, laughing his kappa-thang off, and James and Lily boasting that a troll is much better, and was handled without nearly causing a lake-tsunami. ;p
petitecrivan From: petitecrivan Date: August 9th, 2007 05:41 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh. My. jkashdlfkajsdaf Wow. That's the sort of scene you want to see in a movie. Teddy blinked. A five foot high wall of water was standing not a foot from his nose, foam trailing upward. Beyond it, he could see another swell of the lake, much higher. It was like standing at the bottom of a ravine. Wow.

(I've been refreshing my flist every few minutes waiting for you to post because I knew you would once I was ready to go to bed. Sure enough, I was about to close the lid when I refreshed and there was the chapter! Your timing is amazing.)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 06:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, I kind of drifted off after I got home, and almost missed my daily deadline, but I'm not letting go now! :shakes fist defiantly:
shiiki From: shiiki Date: August 9th, 2007 05:52 am (UTC) (Link)
Ooh, adventure! That was quite exciting! I love the end of this part. The teachers all standing there, watching ... priceless! :)
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 06:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Well... standing there, watching, and holding the lake in place. ;) But you can bet Neville and Harry will have a good laugh about this.
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 9th, 2007 06:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, dear Lord. That was delicious. "Accio water" is altogether wonderful, and it will remain in my memory for some time to come. Little touches like that--goodness, I love this story.

The bum-bumping thing was also fairly hilarious. Of course, Bernice wouldn't think to actually get teachers. Oh well. I sometimes wonder if there has been any instance in Hogwarts' history where a student might get in trouble and actually summon and adult... nah.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 06:09 am (UTC) (Link)
I sometimes wonder if there has been any instance in Hogwarts' history where a student might get in trouble and actually summon and adult..

Oh, dear, now I'm imagining someone yelling, "Accio, grown-up!" and Slughorn flying out the window, green pajamas askew...
persephone_kore From: persephone_kore Date: August 9th, 2007 06:32 am (UTC) (Link)
I was worried that they'd get the Kappa revived and it would grab one of them, but this is much more amusing.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 06:35 am (UTC) (Link)
Well, Teddy's part of the Marauder-Weasley continuum, and he's managed to go a whole week without doing anything to lose points or get detention yet! ;p
jedi_chick From: jedi_chick Date: August 9th, 2007 06:57 am (UTC) (Link)
The image of little Teddy reading through all the magical creature books he could get his hands on is very cute.

I started laughing when Teddy backed into the wall quickly, and couldn't stop laughing to the end (with the lovely visual of the lake being held back by the teachers). Thank you for the laughs!

It as about the size of Rosie Weasley

Did you mean "was"?
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yup. That "w" seems to be getting in my way a lot on this story! :)

Thank you for the laughs!

Any time! I was a little worried about making my POV character and all of his friends look like the Ten Stooges, but then I figured, "Aw, what the hell, right?"
lacontessamala From: lacontessamala Date: August 9th, 2007 07:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Great chapter! Though I admit I'm curious as to what's going on in Frankie Apcarne's head.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 02:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
There's more coming on Frankie.
prelud From: prelud Date: August 9th, 2007 12:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
ROFL! Now I realize that my life was so boring when I was eleven. Wizard children have more fun!
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
More fun, less overscheduled time... being a wizard is definitely a worthwhile way to spend childhood.
heather916 From: heather916 Date: August 9th, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
You write with such imagery. I snorted into my water glass visualizing them all trying to protect each other's and their own bums!

And Accio Water?!? Priceless. I could just see her face when she realized what she'd done, and then rushing to try and fix it, only to almost cause a freakin' tsunami over the castle grounds. (Would that have gotten rid of the redcaps?)

Like everyone else, I'm loving my daily fix of Teddy.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 02:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Would that have gotten rid of the redcaps?

I don't know. I don't remember how to get rid of redcaps!
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
dreamer_marie From: dreamer_marie Date: August 9th, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow! I think even Harry would envy Teddy this adventure. I wonder how he's going to react once Neville sends him a letter to tell him about the incident...
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 03:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think Harry would be quite proud. "You know my godson, Teddy, got his first detention for kicking a kappa and nearly drowning the school..."
cheddartrek From: cheddartrek Date: August 9th, 2007 03:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

Great Update!

Great update as usual! I loved watching them deal with the Kappa, and really enjoyed Teddy's thoughts about how he couldn't exactly be seen running for a teacher when he's the only Gryffindor. Hehe =)

One thing though, the Accio Water bit, was a bit confusing. The way I read this is that she managed to summon the majority of the water in the lake, but that seems a bit extravagent to my mind. I'd think that to do that, she would need both a lot of experience with the spell and a prodigious amount of magical power at her command. If it was that easy, you'd think someone would have done it at some point.

Just thought I'd mention it! Not really a criticism, just wondering about it. I'm really enjoying the story, as is always the case with anything you write. Cheers.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Great Update!

I think she's really hyped up, but the point is that she's not experienced and doesn't really know how the Summoning charm works in theory, and is, um, not quite specific enough in her request.
marycontraria From: marycontraria Date: August 9th, 2007 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
That was hilarious. And I know there's something deeper starting too, with Frankie, so it was hilarious and multidimensional. ;) Thanks for the laugh!!
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 03:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the laugh!!

Sure thing! :D
matril From: matril Date: August 9th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha! Love the tsunami caught mid-wave; it's both comical and appalling. Not being much of a Gryffindor myself, I would have been the one in this situation to run around screaming, "Get a teacher! We need a grown-up! We can't do this by ourselves!"

And I would have been right, too. :P But everyone would have hated me for it, heh.
fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 07:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'd have probably been off for a teacher, too. But Neville's the only Gryffindor to whom it seems to occur that part of being brave is not stopping just because your friends won't think well of you!
From: (Anonymous) Date: August 9th, 2007 11:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Just curious, is this a coincidence or did you get the Kappa-bum idea from the recent accident of a little girl who sat on a suction drain at a pool and was disemboweled? Thank God, she survived but it was a horrific accident.

fernwithy From: fernwithy Date: August 9th, 2007 11:46 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nope--it's in the kappa entry on Wiki. That's really part of the creature folklore.
darth_pipes From: darth_pipes Date: August 10th, 2007 01:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Here comes the Forest Guard!

Good job, Fern.
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